Thankyou for your patience (Part II)

Meat Weeks 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 & 23. Thursday 23rd April - Wednesday 10th June.

Yes, a whole month and a half worth of meat in your new instalment!

First things first, ladies and gentlemen, I'm claiming my special circumstances. For the last few weeks, I've spent barely a couple of days at home at a time - it's been a ridiculously hectic period, and I've just not really had chance to update. However, I'm here now, and am going to get caught up further. Incidentally, there will be another lengthy break in September, when I have to go to Croatia for a friends wedding, but other than that, we're relatively hassle free (touch wood) for the next few weeks, so I should be right back on track. So there you go.

So, when last we met, I had just recounted the story of having ruined my poor wood pigeon. As of yet, I haven't tried another one, but hopefully I'll get chance to later on in the year. Following that unmitigated disaster, I wanted something a little easier for my next meat, and the chance presented itself nicely.That week saw Laura's brothers birthday fall on a Wednesday, and, as is usual for one of Laura's families celebrations, we went out for dinner. I had decided that I would use this opportunity to take on my new meat, and so went for the surf and turf option.

Now, I have to be honest and say that I wasn't 100% sure what I would be getting when I ordered the scampi. Traditionally, proper scampi is made from lobster tails. However, more and more, restaurant scampi is merely prawns, and so that it what I was expecting and, in the end, what I received. Either would have been fine, however - and I've still not had lobster yet this year...

Prawns are prawns. There's not really a whole lot I can tell you about them that you probably don't already know. They're delicious little things, although I have to admit to preferring the bigger, shelled variety to those smaller, ready-peeled ones that tend to populate 70's style prawn cocktails across the land. And here's a little tip from me to you - when you do get the bigger ones, remember, after peeling and eating the body, to suck out the brains. It sounds disgusting, but it's actually very tasty.

The next weekend, we were due to go to Durham to see friends, one of the intentions being to go to a good Chinese buffet and have duck - which I had saved for this weekend for that very reason. However, there was to be a slight snag, as, when we got there, we found that the afternoon buffet, which we were booked in for (it was a large group) didn't have duck on it. So, what to do? Well, as I'd already decided what I was going to have, I thought it better not to mess around, and so just went out when we got home and bought a duck instead. And delicious it was too.

Roasted, and served with roast vegetables, our duck made an excellent meal. Duck is rather less similar to chicken than you might imagine, so alike do they look. Duck meat is a much darker meat than most other birds, and is generally a fattier bird, probably because they have to spend so much time on or around water, and therefore need the extra insulation. These things give the meat a much fuller flavour than most other fowl, although I know it can be a little much for some people. Personally, I find it absolutely delicious, and would far rather have it than turkey, duck or goose, for example. It is definitely recommended if you've never had it before, and, as with most meats, I'd suggest trying it on its own. All too often, we drown meat in sauces, or only enjoy them in a Chinese or Indian meal (duck is a staple of Chinese menus), and duck is certainly worthy of standing on its own two feet.

Following duck week, I was at something of a loss for what to have next. A visit to my parents, however, changed all that.

We arrived on the Sunday, and had already decided that we were going to eat there. Remarkably enough, they were set to have buffalo, and so, obviously, my weekly decision was made.Buffalo seems to be a semi-regular occurrence at my Mum's, and we even had it for Christmas dinner last year. I usually find it to be a tasty meat, not dissimilar to beef, but, unfortunately, this time round it wasn't great. It looked like buffalo braising steak, and tasted quite liver-y - certainly not the roasting joint I'd been hoping for. However, it was another week along my trek, and I knew that I'd have another chance to get better buffalo meat later in the year, so I wasn't too concerned - particularly as it meant that I wouldn't have to run around in a panic come Wednesday. Still, I couldn't help but feel disappointed by the quality of the meat, although, being the dutiful son that I am, I obviously didn't show this at the time.

So, from Sunday, Wednesday came around, with neither panic nor stress. Wednesday turned into Thursday and a new week, and, slowly but surely, the days went by until, once again, we arrived at Wednesday with no new animal having been eaten. This time, however, I didn't worry - I just reached into my desk drawer and pulled out my secret weapon...

After the weekly Apprentice meeting, I pulled it out - my scorpion encased in toffee. Now, having previously eaten insects from this same range, and having found them all to be dry and dusty, as previously mentioned, I didn't hold out high hopes for the scorpion, or indeed the quality of the toffee. Thankfully, I was wrong. The toffee was absolutely delicious, tasting exactly like the old Highland Toffee bars which I haven't seen for years, and, although the scorpion was dried as were the other insects, due to the toffee, it wasn't dusty in any way. The toffee had also crystallized inside it, which made it look brilliant.

I hadn't expected any flavour whatsoever, as the insects I'd previously had had had none, and so was very surprised when I bit into the thorax. I got a distinctly chemical, and quite sharply bitter taste, which I can only assume was something to do with the scorpions venom, although, of course, I can't be sure. Whatever it was, it was certainly interesting, and unlike anything I'd tasted before - at least in something I'd had on purpose. All in all, it was certainly my most rewarding insect experience so far, and one I'd definitely suggest people try - quite aside from anything else, eating a scorpion feels quite cool.

The following weekend, we had a massive assortment of friends come to visit, and this coincided with our monthly trip to the farmer's market. Once again, we stocked up on things which could go in the freezer - goat burgers, kangaroo burgers and monkfish - as well as purchasing some buffalo steak. The stallholder was running the buffalo steak as a test, and so was doing either rump or rib steaks for just £9. I opted for rump, and received a steak approximately a foot long, an inch thick, and 6 inches wide at its widest point. It looked absolutely gorgeous, and I was well pleased with my purchase.

I got a chance to try the rib steak the next day, when offered some at a barbecue. It only whetted my appetite further for the piece of deliciousness hiding in my fridge.

Anyway, with all the hustle and bustle of the weekend, I once again didn't get chance to cover my meat until the Wednesday of the week, and, unusually, one of my freezer meats was used immediately. Just to avoid any problems, I went with kangaroo burger (I knew that it was relatively easy to get hold of kangaroo meat, which is why I wasn't too worried about having the processed version - I know I'll get non-processed at some point this year). Kangaroo is such a rich, dark meat, and all that flavour even comes out in burger form. There is so much muscle, and so little fat, in kangaroo meat, and this really raises kangaroo burger above normal burgers. It's definitely worth trying if you have never previously had the chance, and I was certainly looking forward to getting hold of proper kangaroo steak later in the year.

Incidentally, later on that week, we had the buffalo for dinner (it cut into two good size pieces). It was everything I'd hoped for - rich, nicely marbled, and absolutely gorgeous. It tastes a lot like beef, and, as this was a good steak, I'm sure you can figure out what it was like. Suffice to say, it certainly wiped away the memory of the less than satisfying buffalo I'd had at my parents earlier.

Unfortunately, I have to admit to having still, by this point, not learnt my lesson from all the times that I'd left my meat to the last minute and then had a worrisome Wednesday. In fact, I have to admit right now that I still haven't learnt that lesson, and all too often find myself scrabbling for a new meat as the end of the week approaches. In fact, it's worse now as, still having not written my list of animals, I'm worried I'm going to ruin the whole shooting match by eating something from a category I don't need. I really need to be more organised.

Anyway, lessons. that's right, the next week had all but passed when I had my latest meat. This time it was to be another processed product which I had in my fridge, although it would once again be something I knew that I would get hold of in the future - goose (in pate form).

I love pate. When I was little, I hated it, but as I've got older, I've begun to find it more and more agreeable. This was a good goose pate. Spread on toast, and only about an hour before midnight came around, it was a good way to rack up another animal in a really easy manner, and, although it wasn't a foie gras, it was certainly good enough for me. I'm looking forward, though, to picking up an actual goose later on, because, although I don't find it quite as tasty as duck, it's definitely an animal I enjoy eating, as well as being one I haven't had for quite a while.

So, with the closest call I've had so far, time wise, surely I would be better prepared the next week, right? Wrong, unfortunately. I once again found myself looking for something new to eat on Wednesday. Whilst trying to decide what to have for dinner, Laura and I were trying to come up with a new animal, and failing miserably. Unfortunately, possum and alligator are fairly difficult to get hold of in Tescos, and I decided just to have a look around and see if anything jumped out at me. The meat counters offered no inspiration, until, suddenly, that fish counter hoved into view, bringing with it crab claws.

Crab meat is very tasty, and crab claws offer the added advantage of also being a toy. Playing with the claws themselves, once the meat has been eaten out of the centre, is a lot of fun. The meat is soft, and has a certain salty edge to it, as does most generic seafood, and is very easy to eat, as it's so light - it seems like the sort of thing that you could eat for ages without it ever being too much for you.

I do have one word of warning, however, for anyone who is tempted to give crab claws a try: be careful. The shell can splinter and break whilst you're trying to get the meat out, and the bloody thing managed to cut my finger even after it was dead. Crabs: always hoping to get the last laugh.

So there's part 2 of my mammoth update. The third and final part is on its way, which will bring us bang up to date, and will be up by the end of the weekend at the latest - Scout's honour.

And my final thought - did anyone else who saw the animal autopsy programmes think that giraffe meat looked delicious? I must have a word with some zoo keepers...

Stay Meaty!

As usual, for those keeping score, here's the updated table, up to and including, weeks 23 (completed categories in bold):

Herbivore Mammals
Bovine - Cow, Week 2; Buffalo, Week 19.
Ovine - Sheep, Week 5.
Marsupia - Kangaroo, Week 21.
Rodentia - Rabbit, Week 13.

Omnivore Mammals
Porcine - Pig, Week 1.
Rodentia (a different one to the herbivore one)

Carnivore Mammals
Canine

Arthropods
Insecta
- Winged - Crickets, Week 12.
- Unwinged – Mealworms, Week 10 (Mealworm Beetle Larva); Ants, Week 15.
Arachnid - Scorpion, Week 20.
Crustatia
- Land
- Sea - Prawns, Week 17; Crab, Week 23.

Reptilia
Lizard/Snake

Amphibians
Frog/toad

Fish
Scaled fish - Salmon, Week 6; Eel, Week 14.
Flat fish
Shark

Mollusca
Bivalvia – Mussels, Week 11.
Cephalopoda - Octopus, Week 8.
Gastropoda

Plus 10 different types of Bird - Turkey, Week 3; Chicken, Week 4; Ostrich, Week 7; Wood Pigeon, Week 16; Duck, Week 18, Goose, Week 22.
Plus 2 Animals from classifications NOT on the list – Deer (Cervine), Week 9.